Social Media Suicide

I was never really good at instagram but I was kind of the best. Sound egotistical? I am only speaking the truth. I was never good at curating what looked like a perfect life. I failed at managing my account (halfpint22) when it blew up to 80,000 followers. I hated hash tagging, I hated filling photos with two hundred tags in hopes of being featured by some bigger account, I hated pushing product (and so I never did), – we don’t need more stuff – I hated being approached by companies asking to trade a nalgene bottle for a post and a “shout out,” I hated that people treated me like I was famous when they met me in person (I’m not), I was a terrible ambassador and I did not want to organize meet ups… so I deleted it and never looked back. I was the best at sharing the good, the bad, the ugly, the fear, the joys, the laughs, the cries, the imperfections in my personality, and my struggle with addiction….ya know, what every single one of us REALLY experiences. I was good at being myself and somehow through all of the smoke and mirrors other human beings saw that, even before I did. Unbeknownst to me I created a small army of people who tuned in to watch my life unfold naturally in real time. My real life. My every day struggles. And I deeply helped people I did not even know until a few days ago, when I announced I would be leaving instagram indefinitely. (I am only talking about instagram and not social media as a whole because I have never had or used twitter and I barely used facebook, but this applies to any and all social media outlets – pick your poison)

I thought deleting halfpint22 would prove that I did not need validation or “instafame” and I was only around for the human connection and to meet people I might otherwise never cross paths with. And that is ultimately what I used instagram for, to snap my relateable life to others and inspire, especially women, to be strong, courageous, and go after whatever it is they want out of life. I met an incredible group of people and created a happy safe community when I continued on as throughbeingcool22. Hey, come over here to unapologetically be your weird ass self, everyone is welcome. I did not hashtag, I did not tag, and I surely did not care if I was featured. I am positive I only posted for myself and those who followed along. It was okay for a little while but I still could not put my phone down. I looked at other people with their 1,000,000 hashtags, and 5,000 tags per photo and it made me sick. I looked at heavily edited photos, hell I edited photos, and asked myself over and over again, “why can’t I just post this photo as it was actually seen?” Why do I need to saturate, fade out, warm up, add a filter and completely mangle a moment in my life that did not actually look like the moment I am now presenting days, weeks, sometimes months later? I remember a conversation with my friend Kate, some big instagram account featured one of her photos, she messaged them and said, “hey next time, could you please ask my permission before doing that?” They responded by telling her she should feel honored by the feature and then removed her photo. I’m sorry, honored, should feel? At the end of your life, does it really matter if you get insta-featured or not? And more importantly we “should” feel a certain way about sheer and utter nonsense? WHO. CARES. And then I had the people who told me that deleting an instagram account with 80,000 followers was the most insane thing a person could do, it was social suicide. I was famous, I had pull. Pull?

So here is the thing, my validation, my “pull” comes from doing hard things, from setting goals for myself, be-it physical, intellectual, or emotional and mustering the self drive to achieve said goals or fall on my face and learn something, either way trying, working hard. Hard work, remember that? What humans did before we all had iphones. Posting a photo on instagram is not hard work. Having 10k, 20k, 30k, 40k followers just means you spend too much time on instagram. Your hashtag game is strong and ultimately that is kind of ridiculous. Over time I grew bitter and hostile yet I continued to snap story, edited photos, and post. However, I was not growing bitter or hostile toward the gram and what it procures, I was bitter towards myself. Instagram exists and it will continue to exist but I do not have to exist with it. I cannot be true to my core being and have social media. Digital consumption is an alternative to reality. We are the screaming babies and it is our pacifier. Well, I do not want to be pacified. I do not want to be a sheep in an all consuming herd. I do not want the 1,400 dollar iphone X-12.0. I don’t care how many pixels it has, I would still edit the photo. Why? Because it is never enough. We need more more more more more more more more more more more more more….okay you get it.

I have not met many but there are a few unicorns out there who live social media free. I would occasionally find one and feel envy. I was never envious of other peoples little insta-squares but I was truly jealous of these beautiful horned stallions that had no handle. Who knew what they were doing? What they ate for lunch? How many miles they ran that day? What mountain they climbed eighteen throw back Thursdays ago? They just nonchalantly shrugged and said, “no, I don’t do social media.” Well how will we stay in touch? Oh you mean write each other through email, talk on the phone, or actually get together and hang out; make an effort. You mean, I can’t scroll through your “life” and secretly compare mine? It was at this point I knew I had to grow a horn and prod my way out of the #likeamountaingirl world and be a unicorn. I permanently deleted my facebook (the right way) and disabled my instagram account and it feels like I took a major dump that was all sorts of cramping my stomach.

Bring on the withdrawals, it’s cleansin’ time!


Comments

Social Media Suicide — 22 Comments

  1. Congrats & good luck out there! 🍀👊🏻
    Will you keep your blog posts about learning math up? I’ve sent those to friends who are scared to go back to school or think they don’t have the ability. Those are powerful essays that help people.

  2. Kim, still cheering you on for this. Ive been logging out of my IG and haven’t posted for a few days now because I’m, too, sick of the comparison and being attached. Within the last 24 hours Ive cleaned my house way more than I ever have, my mind feels calm finally, I’ve read as well and just felt a sense of ease. Thanks for the proverbial ass kick I needed to admit to myself I was way too addicted to social media and my phone. You are rad. Continue to be rad. -@ka.schulze

  3. Hi Kim! I was actually worried when you disappeared. I’m happy that you are ok. Good for you for switching off the social media machine. Looking forward to reading more on your blog in the future. All the best to you.

    • I tried to use snapstory to tell everyone to avoid people thinking something was wrong or I died, but I am sure I did not reach everyone. Either way, it is time for a break. And I look forward to writing more!

  4. I am not sure what I stumbled upon first, your blog or your IG years ago. I think it was probably your blog because I love reading blogs and learning from them. Even though I don’t know you, I feel like I have learned so much from you, first from your Civic build out (I own a Mazda6 and I am pretty sure I stumbled across your adventures because I wanted to make a build out with the car I have, and then learning about your passion to better the world with less trash, use less plastic, and coming up with something that is more sustainable for the world we live in. You have truly been authentic with yourself and your passion for the world. Thank you for being you and having shared your life story on social media through the years. I will continue to follow your blog. Good luck in Vancouver, and if you ever need a person to eat Taco Time with, hit me up. You have my email 😀

  5. Instagram was my last social media — deleted facebook 8 years ago now and never used twitter or anything else. April was D-Day for Insta and I never regretted it. Facebook I knew I didn’t want to go back, but I told everyone that I’d only be off Instagram for a month “detox” and then May came and went and now it’s October and I still have no desire to go back to it. Being a unicorn feels pretty awesome if I do say so myself

    • At first I thought it would only be a month, but now I am pretty sure, unless of course I’m not that I don’t want to live my life through little apps on my phone anymore. In just 48 hours I am looking at everything differently and my runs, bikes, and swims are all improving, it is pretty amazing.

  6. All I know is I enjoyed seeing a cookie kinda of girl with some impressive dance moves and a passion for the high summits and ridge lines. Will miss seeing those …hope tse see you over here in Scotland at some point in time Kim.

  7. Glad all is well. I miss your stories, but you’re not living for my entertainment. And that might be a lesson a whole lot of us need to learn.

    Also, is Canada still allowing Americans to immigrant? ‘Cuz it may be time.

    • Hahahaha…I think you have to come to Canada with a purpose, but it’s alright here, aye. Almost a week social media free and it is feeling pretty good. So much more present in my life. But I miss you too Thomas! It is so strange not telling everyone about my day.

  8. 👋hi my favorite! So, since you left… I basically quit checking my ‘gram. Then, today, I left a note in my story that I would be taking a hiatus. I deleted all of my photos and said “alright tiff, let’s get sh*t done!”. Thank you, Kim! I needed this.
    I’m glad to be able to read your blog. You write the way you live, Transparently. I love it and it is so refreshing.
    Keep inspiring my friend. You ve kicked my ass in gear- again. You re the bees knees.
    ❤Tiff

    • Tiffany,
      This makes me so happy to hear! I have been so much more productive and present in my life, like truly present, this goes for in the mountains and on my runs too. I have been journaling pretty hard. I am hoping to turn it into a blog post at the end of this month ( :

  9. Kim! I’m happy your blog is here and I can still catch a whiff of your presence! I’d been so busy myself, that I just caught the tale end of your IG goodbye and I don’t think my ‘so-long’ message got through. But I totally get the need to step away from social media and I have also put it on the back burner (I took the apps off my phone…can’t quite make the full send yet). And, anyways, without your funny stories and sarcasm, I’m just not that into it. But thank you for the time you spent sharing your life!! The Monashee Mountains – that’s my neck of the woods – some beauty mountains that I’ve only just begun exploring…totally inspired by you!

    It is really sad that I only vaguely recall a life before smart phones…but I’m bringing it back—–
    ~Jen

    • Jen, so nice to hear from you. I would be lying if I said my time away from social media has been anything but glorious and productive. I am keeping a nice journal and at the end of the month I will translate it into a blog post. I really love to write and jotting down thoughts has been lovely. Hahahahaa I like that full send. I am not sure I know how to go half send which is why I got rid of the whole enchilada. Hope you are having a great day!

      Kim

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